Real-Time Review: Literally I Can’t by Play-N-Skillz ft Redfoo, Enertia McFly and Lil Jon

by thethreepennyguignol

Well, it’s that time of year again: a single track has caused so much controversy and hysteria all over the world (read: Twitter) that I had to have a bash at it. Yes, say hello to prime controversy magnet, Literally I Can’t.  Redfoo, Sexy and I Know It singer and the man keeping the slatted sunglasses industry afloat, appeared at the end of last month with this song. Almost two weeks later, everyone went mad over the fact that it was insanely sexist, obectifying, and generally shite. According to Redfoo himself:

So let’s see if I get it!

00:05: Oh, so it’s like Animal House but with shitty synth drops? I can get behind that.

00:20: There’s nothing particularly special about this, it’s just a WOAH YEAH PARTY HARD video populated by people for whom college is a distant memory.

00:35: Oh, okay. So they’ve got the annoying, bitchy sorority sisters turning up at a party and being irritating. That’s not so-

00:41: Oh my God that’s quite impressively annoying.

00:45: It’s just one blonde, bitchy frat girl responding to every thing that’s being said to her with “I CAN’T”. Literally, you cunt.

00:51: I can already tell that this is going to be in my head all day and I’m furious about it.

00:55: However much of a party pooper she’s being, asking a group of women for girl-on-girl action is about as original and charming as that electronic bagpipe drone of a hook that’s attached to this song. Fetishizing sexuality is pretty shitty. I’m trying quite hard to be more offended by that than how much I this song annoys me- and not in the kind of fun, Gangnam Style, What Does the Fox say novelty track way, but in that particular “people I hate will have this as their ringtone” kind of way.

01:15: At least the video provides some welcome relief. Oh wait it doesn’t. Kill me.

01:30: And here’s Redfoo with his verse, the man at the centre of a righteous twittercane of controversy. Let’s have a look at the lyrics this 39-year-old man is singing to a supposed sorority sister: “You got a big ol’ butt/I can tell by the way you’re walking/but you’re annoying me/Because you’re talking/SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

I think’s it’s time to hear from the man himself again:

01:43: Redfoo reels off some social networking sites as pick-up lines, and it all sounds really lacklustre. I can imagine him, trying to break out of his party-boy image in the studio, turning up in a business suit and being forced to don those slatted shades and sing this verse anyway. It makes me a little sad for him.

02:05: “Girl, I’m sippin’ on this drink/trying to see what you got/not trying to hear what you think”

I’m going to get a lot of mileage out of that tweet.

02:20: And we’re back to that symphony of bloody annoying: the chorus. Nope, nope, nope.

02:50: So, partygoers drag a couple of the uptight sorority sisters into a kiddies pool, while someone inexplicably opens up Redtube on their phone. Are they uploading a video of it?Is that their homepage? Can they not get through a full evening without greeting the cyclops to some obscure DBZ hentai? I must know.

03:33: So, the uptightest of all the uptights has decided to leave the party, turning down all the various demands and offers thrown at her by our four heroes. Just as she’s about to go- because leaving a party you’re not enjoying really isn’t that much of a crime, and I’d leave any party where I’d been continually asked to perform girl-on-girl- she is surrounded by our winsome chanteuses who scream at her to  “Shut the fuck up”.

04:00: How is this song four minutes long? How? It fades out into the distance on the back of a wave of grunting synths and painful looped drums. Goodbye forever, Literally I Can’t. With one final word from Redfoo:

Indeed.

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